Isn't it time you gave some back to you? Picture taken from http://www.marqui.com

 I was enjoying walking by the ocean, golden sands, gentle lapping waves, emerald-azure waters, I could be feeling absolutely amazing or I could be lost within my dark thoughts. Then I was contemplating what does the internal landscape really look like & how do we take care of ourselves. Maintaining a feel-good factor is quite an art, even an ongoing okayness can be tricky. Our runaway thoughts are compelling & addictive as they fuel the epic 3D stories & tales – current & past.

Before we can say Jack Robinson (and who the hell was he anyway?) we have entered the dragon’s lair, fears, anxieties, self-recriminations, resentments emerge from the dragon’s fire & we spiral down. So many of our feelings especially anxieties, reside in the gut /sacral centre, yet somewhere within us we have the capacity to ease this fire & nurture ourselves, when we start to feel bad.

With over 15 years working therapeutically with clients with a mixed bag of tricks from counselling, psychology, NLP, EFT & education, there are surely some useful tips for stopping us going down the plug-hole with the baby. In my experience anxiety & depression are the 2 most common presenting issues that clients bring causing bucket loads of low self-esteem.

The heart centre has a depth & knowing that we are only just getting a glimpse of.

Working with heart centre, accessing the self-love

OK – here we go, try this – I would love some feedback, does it work for you?

STEP ONE – Reality Checking

Have your feelings but don’t become an emotional-state. Check out your thoughts, are they fuelling a mistaken belief? Do some honest reality checking – what are facts and fiction, find numerous other possible rationales/causes (don’t have to be possible or plausible – be creative).

STEP TWO – Increase self-respect

Now give yourself a break from analysing & self-appraising, put problems & issues on the shelf for now, you can return to them later. Now do some important self-honouring time. Ask yourself -what blessings do you have in your life, what special gifts & talents do you hold, what do you value in life the most. Bless yourself, respect who you are (warts as well), forgive the oddities, you’re doing a grand job, having a human life!

STEP THREE – Fill up on heartlove

Breathe, meditate on visualising your internal champagne glass bubbling up & filling with heartlove juice, remember good things in your life that you love & hold dear to your heart. Decide to do something special for yourself today (massage, body wrap, swim in ocean, walk with the trees & birds) or even treat yourself to some expensive chocolate! Works for many of my girl friends! See the heartlove juice bubble over the champagne glass & flow through your veins, permeating through your whole being lighting up the body with heartlove.

STEP FOUR – Do something special for someone else

Random acts of kindness are powerful change actions & can be so nurturing for yourself too. As you do something special for someone else, you can light up their world & simultaneously make the world a better place. Do something different today, just something easy peazy. Altruism can be the best healer of all. It certainly takes us out of our tiny minds/lives & into a bigger more meaningful reality. Send that heartlove to at least 5 people.

Finally, use your mind to create a positive vision for yourself, your family, your community & the world.

Pamela Harland is a qualified Counselling Psychologist (UK) , Group Facilitator & Mentor specialising in Workplace Wellbeing. Pamela is passionate about bringing Positive Psychology techniques to workplaces, teams and individuals to create a Spirit of Wellbeing Culture.

How much do we long for the ability to sustain a wonderful sense of feeling good? The short-lived highs of a new technological gadget or a fashion scoop hardly touches the pleasure centre spot. We search for greater meaning. So really appreciating the simple things in life, feeling a good aspect in every person we encounter, is an art which needs practice.

 Living in the moment..

Psychologists & counselors are moving strongly into mindfulness based therapies as a way to help people become much more present emotionally & mentally. http://www.actmindfully.com.au

If we can live each day as if it has great meaning, like its our last, would we hold a different point of view on the road rage or the argument with the spouse? What really matters to us?

I was really inspired by a BBC world news article A lifetime in 3 Years about Alex Lewis’ fight with bone cancer, despite being on a chronic health & treatment regime, vowed to live each day with as much zest and energy as he could muster, he died at age 22.

It makes you realise just how precious life is. Life is actually amazing, but to make the most of every minute you do have to look at everything in a positive way Alex said.

Just how much do we moan & grown about the weather, our aches, pains & the emotional rollercoaster of life. Yes I know, I could win the golden globe for best performance of a diehard wingeing Brit! So Alex embarked on a cocktail of exciting adventures & thrills that many of us would normally space out over a lifetime of 101 things to do before I kick the bucket!

parachute jumping, dune buggy riding in Dubai, cliff diving in Cornwall, taking a spontaneous trip to Australia, just two days before he travelled to meet friends there for beach parties partying with friends every weekend, zipping round in his sports car, marrying the girl of his dreams etc etc

So what would you do in this situation, if it was you, a sobering thought, I know, but why not follow our hearts more, break with tradition & conservatism, be more spontaneous & intuitive & enjoy life more to the full, plus FEEL SO GOOD. We don’t have to buy into the struggles & stresses of life. Keeping a joyous attitude is the key goal, finding the humour in situations.

Seems too idealistic? Try these simple steps each day:

• Be contented with what you have (your blessings) rather than what you don’t have

• Positive self-talk (I am an amazing person)

• Have a new (novel) experience at least once a week, preferably every day

• Be more watchful – a child’s face, the colour of a flower, the way the trees move in the breeze & develop the art of wonder

• Appreciate the people in your life (don’t’ focus on their oddball behaviours!)

Pamela Harland is a qualified Counselling Psychologist (UK) , Group Facilitator & Mentor specialising in Workplace Wellbeing. Pamela is passionate about bringing Positive Psychology techniques to workplaces, teams and individuals to create a Spirit of Wellbeing Culture.

The recent earthquake & aftershocks in Christchurch is a prime example, following on from the previous shakes. These life events can affect us to such a degree that the gap between what is happening/happened & what we desire or need in order to feel OK looks like a huge gulf. Even Christmas & New Year experiences of family dramas or existential aloneness can trigger so much distress in us, that we find it hard to engage with everyday life. In these troubled times, Russ’s book helps us to develop self-compassion. He uses ACT (acceptance & commitment therapy) – ACT mindfulness  to deal with these major losses.

I was then reflecting on how exactly do we manage this reality slap.
How can we bridge the gap between feeling normally OK with inner WELLBEING & dealing with the distress of having our world turned upside down?
The 2 worlds can seem to be universes apart.

7 ways to bridge the gap between…… 2 worlds

1.  The distress changes form as the shock moves through our minds, emotions & body – yes don’t forget the physical sensations of shock. Allow the shock to vibrate through, take time. The numbness transitioning into dawning reality can be quite painful.

2.  Nurture yourself- take time with your family, do the things that help you feel calm & serene, take time out in nature, be physical, eat well, rest & sleep heaps.

3.  Bach Rescue Remedy http://www.bachflower.com/Rescue_Remedy.htm is one of the must haves in the handbag/glove compartment – use frequently, 2 sprays under the tongue & then take a deep breath. Brings a feeling of calmness. Also good for distressed children.

4.  Stay in the moment of RIGHT NOW, focused on sensory awareness, present to what is happening right now rather than re-running the distress in our minds or trying to make changes too early.

5.  De-stress – remember that you are feeling more sensitive & emotional (tearful, angry) than normal so keep yourself stress-free at home, at work, in your relationships. Try not to over-react to small things.

6.  Mix with people who matter to you – partners, family, friends, surround yourself with their love, respect & care (you don’t need their advice or problem-solving skills)

7.  Remember – life is a process of change, nothing is static, be flexible, we do not have control over some external events we can only control our thoughts, feelings & reactions – be self-compassionate www.self-compassion.org/what-is-self-compassion/the-three-elements-of-self-compassion.html

For more info on how to cope with reality slaps – bring back & anchor WELLBEING

Contact Pamela 021 114 7878 for individual sessions or workplace seminars

Pamela Harland is a qualified Counselling Psychologist (UK) , Group Facilitator & Mentor specialising in Workplace Wellbeing. Pamela is passionate about bringing Positive Psychology techniques to workplaces, teams and individuals to create a Spirit of Wellbeing Culture.

Picture = Artwork: Yue Minjun, Noah’s Ark, 2006 Laughing Men

Have you ever wondered why it is that some work interactions and events can trigger big emotional responses such as over-reactions, misunderstandings, injustices, defensiveness or emotional shut down, retaliations?

From my client work through EAP schemes over the years I am amazed at the amount of bullying that exists in organisations – hierarchical, horizontal, group peer pressure & so on. I wonder why it is becoming so common place when we all have  the right to a nurturing and supportive organisational culture instead of one which is harmful & anxious.

I found December’s HRINZ meeting with Laura Crawshaw, Boss Whispering Institute – Intervening With Abrasive Leaders, very interesting in its perspective of providing group feedback to the ‘bully’ focused on interpersonal behaviour that causes emotional distress in coworkers sufficient to disrupt the organisational functioning, without the need for formal investigations & defences. see http://www.bosswhispering.com/

For coworkers who find themselves in a difficult relationship environment or victim mode, there is a better way to be – develop the inner super-visor.

Learning the art of mindful non-reaction to people & situations outside of ourselves is a Buddhist life’s mission, trying to stay in a place of equilibrium. We can’t wait that long! In my view there is another ‘middle way’ which is far more self-kind.

The authentic Inner Self is an enriching source of our true essence, full of unbridled creativity & curiosity for experience. However, the mind with its analytical dialogue is the dog with a bone – the mental drama re-runs of I should have said…he must have meant……does he not understand……..& so on.   How do we step off the endless inner chatterbox that usually collapses our self-confidence & self-worth? How do we access our inner Spirit for joyful life?

What we need to do is access our Inner Wise Super-Vision.

5 easy ways to develop the wise internal supervisor

Taken from the counseling therapeutic model of working with clients, we can develop the art of bringing in the WISE INTERNAL SUPERVISOR.

Its like moving into a 3rd position – having an overview of the situation, like watching a film or like being on the Cloud looking down, seeing myself interacting with the other person & at the same time viewing life from a position of all-knowing intuitive wisdom (which we all have!).

Step 1. Take a deep breath & pause

Step 2. Let go of the emotional reaction & stop the analytical internal dialogue, just for a short while, to gather yourself

Step 3. Bring in your wise internal super-visor mode – access something more meaningful, higher vibrational from your eternal life force (ELF)

Step 4. Have I been here before – are there  echoes of the past ? what did I need to heal, let go of?

Step 5. What are my needs & what action do I need to take – take good care of yourself, develop a positive emotional mindset intelligence

Pamela Harland is a qualified  Counselling Psychologist (UK) , Group Facilitator & Mentor specialising in Workplace Wellbeing. 

If you wish to learn more about how to access your internal super-vision contact Pamela 021 114 7878 for a Wellbeing Supervision session.

Pamela is passionate about bringing Positive Psychology techniques to workplaces, teams and individuals to create a Spirit of Wellbeing Culture.

Check out Spirit of Wellbeing’s programmes

Contact Pamela

Life on planet earth is meant to be a rich playing field & bountiful source of human emotional growth & learning, that’s why we have enormous emotional capacity. But how do we find our way through the maze of emotional deadends & blocks without getting exhausted or emotionally wrung out?

As a counselling psychologist in practice for the last 20 years in the UK & NZ, I have heard the most amazing rationales & compelling stories to explain emotional unhappiness & disturbance.

When life becomes all too much, we struggle to make sense of the huge array of emotions within us & in others around us

 For example, working with cancer patients in the Bristol Cancer Help Centre, so often there was no emotion expressed, instead blocked into a toxic cancerous growth.  Very sad & often difficult life circumstances can be triggers for unhappiness, but ‘unhealthy’ and disempowering emotions can often originate from a ‘victim’ mentality or from an emotionally distorted view of life. 

How do we learn to accept the ebb & flow of emotional reacting?

Want to learn the simple steps to stay in our calm, serene core essential Self, no matter what transpires?

No matter what we are feeling right now, & yes have the feeling, own it, its all yours! in blinding techno-colour!

Just remember though we are much more than our feelings. The emotional energy field is huge yet only one-dimensional on our potential radar. We actually have a mind/mental field, an etheric field & a soul field, among others..

Bring in heaps of HOPE, pleeease.

HOPE stands for

HAPPINESS

OPTIMISM

PASSION

EQUANIMITY or Equilibrium

How to restore the 4 enriching ingredients of HOPE into your life:

1. Develop a core sense of inner happiness-  I love life no matter what.  I love myself & then let the love juice overflow. Have your emotions yet allow them to flow through you

2. finding fundamental optimism-all is as it is meant to be, change is imminent, uncertainty is great, get realistic with your fears. Be with what is right now, not wanting life to be different

3. be passionate about your passions– find the things in life that make your heart sing – go do it, follow your dreams, be what you have come here to be, get into your purpose-flow

4. move back into your central core space of equanimity or equilibrium on a frequent basis, developing a core wellbeing, stance of observing your emotional field (like a wobbly weebly, come back to central balance). Get anchored in life, strong yet flexible & yielding

Check out Spirit of Wellbeing’s programmes

Contact Pamela