For my beachside holiday reading over Christmas & New Year I enjoyed perusing Dr Russ Harris’ new book The Reality Slap – How to find fulfillment when life hurts (see www.actmindfully.com.au) which looks at how events in life such as crisis & disasters shock us, causing a huge slap in our reality awareness, especially events like death, divorce, bankruptcy, redundancy, disability, serious illness or injury.   The recent earthquake & aftershocks in Christchurch is a prime example, following on from the previous shakes. These life events can affect us to such a degree that the gap between what is happening/happened & what we desire or need in order to feel OK looks like a huge gulf.  Even Christmas & New Year experiences of family dramas or feeling alone can trigger so much distress in us, that we find it hard to engage with everyday life. In these troubled times, Russ’s book helps us to develop self-compassion. He uses ACT (acceptance & commitment therapy) – ACT mindfulness  to deal with these major losses.   I was then reflecting on how exactly do we manage this reality slap.
How can we bridge the gap between feeling normally OK with inner WELLBEING & dealing with the distress of having our world turned upside down?
The 2 worlds can seem to be universes apart.

Here are 7 ways to bridge the gap

7 ways to bridge the gap between…… 2 worlds

1.  The distress changes form as the shock moves through our minds, emotions & body – yes don’t forget the physical sensations of shock. Allow the shock to vibrate through, take time. The numbness transitioning into dawning reality can be quite painful.

2.  Nurture yourself- take time with your family, do the things that help you feel calm & serene, take time out in nature, be physical, eat well, rest & sleep heaps.

3.  Bach Rescue Remedy http://www.bachflower.com/Rescue_Remedy.htm is one of the must haves in the handbag/glove compartment – use frequently, 2 sprays under the tongue & then take a deep breath. Brings a feeling of calmness. Also good for distressed children.

4.  Stay in the moment of RIGHT NOW, focused on sensory awareness, present to what is happening right now rather than re-running the distress in our minds or trying to make changes too early.

5.  De-stress – remember that you are feeling more sensitive & emotional (tearful, angry) than normal so keep yourself stress-free at home, at work, in your relationships. Try not to over-react to small things.

6.  Mix with people who matter to you – partners, family, friends, surround yourself with their love, respect & care (you don’t need their advice or problem-solving skills)

7.  Remember – life is a process of change, nothing is static, be flexible, we do not have control over some external events we can only control our thoughts, feelings & reactions – be self-compassionate www.self-compassion.org/what-is-self-compassion/the-three-elements-of-self-compassion.html

For more info on how to cope with reality slaps – bring back & anchor WELLBEING

Contact Pamela 021 114 7878 for individual sessions or workplace seminars

Pamela Harland is a qualified Counsellor, Mentor, Supervisor & Matrix Reimprinting Practitioner.